Sometimes I feel so tested. I live by the mantra that God won't give you anything you can't handle. I truly believe this, but right now I am wondering if He thinks I am more capable than I think I am.
In late September my grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer. In November my mom, sister, and I went to visit him and the rest of our family on the east coast. It was a great visit and we were able to spend some great time with my grandpa. Two weeks later he passed away. It was especially raw and difficult because we just were with him and he really didn't appear to be as close to death as he was. He was the grandpa that I was closest to and I miss him every day.
Friday my dad called me with the news that he had cancer. He knew it was Lymphoma but we didn't know what kind it was. There are over 40 different kinds of Lymphoma cancer.
We were holding out hope that is was Hodgekins Lymphoma because it has a much higher cure rate than Non Hodgekins Lymphoma. On Sunday dad got the pathology report and found out it was Diffuse Large B cell Lymphoma, which is Non Hodgekins. The cure rate is less than 50%. I just watched my grandpa battle cancer and lose. I can't stand the thought of the same thing happening to my dad. He has an appointment with his oncologist today, and will probably end up at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota for treatment. If anyone can fight this its my dad. He is strong and has at least 6 wonderful reasons to live, those being his daughters and grandaughters. I am so much the oldest child. I like to fix everything. It is what I do. I mother everyone I know (and you guys are great for letting me). In this case I feel helpless, like there is nothing I can do and there isn't a worse feeling.
Speaking of mothering...... Yesterday my mom and I had to make and emergency run to Corvallis. My sisters room mate is a horrible being (I say this about very few people) who has been making her life hell. Now she is making serious uncalled for threats to my sister. Katie no longer felt safe in her own apartment so we moved her out in 2 hours. She is going to sleep on a friends couch until she can find and afford a new apartment. However she still has to go to school with this girl, which worries me. I can't understand how anyone can be so hateful with no real reason, and to Kate of all people. I hope she doesn't cause any more trouble for her.
On top of all of the above I am taking 21 credits this term. If I do that this term and next I will be done with my Associate of Arts Transfer Degree and can transfer to the U of O in the fall. I have thought about dropping one of my classes, but I really just want to get done. AND we are moving at the end of the month which means we need to pack, clean and coordinate for that as well.
I will keep updating on my dad's progress. Right now however, I need to to write a paper or 2.
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Just wanted to let you know how sorry I am. I know exactly how you feel actually. It was only a few months after my grandpa died that we found out my dad had cancer and only a year or so to live. All I can say is that it hurts to lose people we love but our lives are better for having loved them. I pray that your Dad is able to fight and have years to share with you and the rest of his family.
ReplyDelete~Finn
Hi Jean,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you. I've never had to personally deal with illness in my family except with Josh's dad's Parkinson's. It is a scary and testing ordeal to watch your loved ones go through this.
Josh and I have gone through some situations where you feel like your life is crashing down around you all at the same time. Everything always works itself out in the end.
There was a time when I was 8 months pregnant, taking 18 credits, starting a business, and had Kaiden who was 5 months old at the time.
My advice honestly would be to eliminate some of your burdens that you can. When you are dealing with something as hard as what you are with your Dad you should have extra time to focus on you and your family without the added hastles that can be taken back up later.
This is just my opinion. Take care of yourself and your beautiful little girls while you struggle with this situation. You are young, amazing, and have so much to look forward to. Maybe now is the time to take some time to rest your mind.
I know you are like steel so there is no doubt that God has given you only what you can handle because you can get through anything.